Self-Perception

Passionate...assertive...controlling...unrelenting...critical...

These are all words that have been used to describe my nature. As someone who is passionate about being a witness for God, I never want my weaknesses to be a stumbling block in someone else's relationship with the Lord. Controlling and critical are the two areas I want to discuss in this blog.

Critical
I am well aware of how easy it can be to identify wrongs in someone else and point them out. I am well aware of the need to only speak a word of truth into someone's life when urged by God. It has been my experience that sometimes I don't know when to be silent and let God handle things in His own time. I find myself wanting to correct and prevent certain actions in an effort to spare a loved one from unnecessary heartache and pain. However, what God has continually been trying to reveal to me is that I don't know what those things are...I only have a limited perception of the events in someone's life. Although my intentions may be good...they may also be out of alignment with the will of God.

Controlling
I need to lighten up. There is no simpler way of stating it. Although this is an area in which I have seen God work miracles, I do recognize that I have a long way to go. Sometimes I feel like I am wound so tight that fear begins to grow in the pit of my stomach at the sight of the slightest bit of imperfection. My mind recognizes, of course, that it is ludicrous to pursue perfection from imperfect beings. However, this does not stop the madness that persists sometimes in striving for the correction of perceived difficulties or wrongs. God has shown me that my control is imperfect, but His control is perfection personified. If I let go...and let God...how can things not go right.

It is my prayer that as I mature in my spiritual journey, that God will continue to reveal when I need to speak and when I need to be silent...that He continues to shake loose my attempts at control. And I also pray that my friends who see me as critical and controlling will understand my intentions and recognize the desire of my heart to align myself with the will of God.